Ultimate chaos is my goal: Occupy begins

This is why I influenced Qantas baggage handlers, caterers and ground staff to strike. It didn’t take much work; they are all greedy ungrateful, replaceable tools anyway. Yes, yes, I know you may be slightly frustrated at me, after all, these stops and starts have affected over 10,000 passengers, (coincidentally, this is the number of children in the USA that became clinically obese in the time it took you to read this) but it's all part of my plan you see.

Let me begin with explaining about Australian politics. Australian politics are governed within the framework of a parliamentary democracy with electoral procedures fitting to a two-party system. It is made up of the legislature, the executive, the judiciary and the Bala. And its main constituent is paper. 

And you see!

I’ve lost you already, haven’t I? (Don’t try to deny it, it only makes things worse). Your minds are much too simple to understand the complex nature of your so called ‘politics’. You are always ready to complain and yet you are not prepared to educate yourselves further when it comes to understanding the basic affairs which dictate your day to day lives. 

You are all only interested in the blood and gore, I thought I bred that out of you in the Roman Empire. You revel in your entertainment industry and waste no time in finding out exactly why Miss Kardashian’s wedding only lasted 72 days. On second thoughts, I can understand the Kim obsession; she is one of my finer works of art. Clever woman, as much as a woman can be anyway. 

 
But I digress, the point is, I knew the only way to get your attention was with some sort of war. You seem to have a fetish for war and the billions of dollars it loses you. Then the millions of dollars a few of you make off movies about said war.  Like any successful farmer will tell you, a good cull is necessary from time to time. So, I give you “The Industrial War.’ A battle between the workers and the shareholders fighting an international campaign against the ever looming threat of globalisation. Qantas was only the beginning, I have named the entire movement: Occupy. As in "all you useless beings do is occupy space I could be using to play lawn bowels with your skulls on." 

And this threat is your own doing, not mine (although I let it happen). Had you been content with the countries I placed you in, had you not wanted to line your pockets with the profit of ‘foreigners’ then none of this would have happened. Now, your countries are so interlinked that you expect to be able to compete on an international market whilst not having to sacrifice your own comfortable income. I foresaw this of course; I had intended to move the continental plates slowly together so that you would not even notice. But no, Steve Jobs ruined my plan of isolation. He has been punished and is now the IT man for my Microsoft department in the afterlife. 

But really, He's doing a great job here. 

Oh the irony, Qantas a company born in your Australian outback Queensland suddenly wanting to sack Australians to employ cheaper foreigners.

The truth is simple-

You want cheap flights, I will give them to you, but you will have to compete with an international workforce. "But I want a rural mining engineers salary to sit in a city office and go home every night" you say. "Bala does not tolerate fools and now you are dead", I will reply.

You want good wages, I will give them to you, but you will have to save a lot harder to afford these ‘holidays’ that you all are so fond of. That means more time praying and less time playing pick up sticks or whatever pointless game you are obsessed with at the moment.

But this fiasco has given me some amusement. I could barely contain my laughter when Mr Joyce followed through on his threat and initiated a complete employee lockout and grounded the airline at a cost of $20 million a DAY in a desperate bid to make the government order arbitration. I do so adore the Irish’s love of dramatics. (Must make a note, it is time I bring back leprechauns). Didit. Now I have one. 

My new leprechaun called AJ

And what was even more amusing was Ms Gillard attempting to sound as if she knew what she was talking about, finally offering the governments support “so that we can proceed with certainty with our iconic airline Qantas.”

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t drunk when I created Julia. (But of course she came out exactly as I wanted, Testiculating- talking bollocks- with her hands and all).
 

Drank to many souls that night. A few more and I would have made another George Bush.  

So what is the point of all this? It is very simple; fix your problems before they blow out into ones of apocalyptic proportions. After all, I do have a universe to run; I didn’t give myself a nine trillion dollar pay rise for nothing. Do you have any idea what the upkeep is on a leprechaun?