The Bogus Queen

The queen has left her palace. I allowed this to happen because my plan is taking longer than I expected, although I planned it that way.

What is this queen?  I hear you ask (actually I read your mind). Well it may surprise you to discover that she is no more than an experiment. A lab rat, if you like.

I know, I know, it’s obvious. Her eyes are much too close together and she is missing several critical pieces of genetic code. Although I don’t need to tell you WHY I chose to do this experiment but I will, because I enjoy watching your reactions.

The first reason was to see what hilarious genetic mutations, and the royal's pathetic attempts to disguise them, would result. When I tried it with the Hapsburg family, they evolved their own distinctive jaw. Quite comical.

Bala likes funny mutations

 The English royals have managed to keep some of their inbreeding out of the public eye. But I decided to alert your “media” about Katherine and Nerissa Bowes-Lyon (the queen mother’s nieces) who had been incarcerated, and unvisited, in the Royal Earlswood Mental Hospital in Surrey for half a century. Mwhahaha.  Also I threw in a bit of haemophilia and porphyria (the latter of which inspired me to create vampires)

Queen doing bala tribute face

The second reason, was that I couldn’t be bothered lording over the united kingdom for a while. It was too cold and I had placed a large permanent cloud over the country many eons ago which I choose not to remove.

summer in the UK

 Bala is the real ruler; he only placed these so called royal "cretins" into power back in the 1500's, now Bala has no use for these cretins anymore.

I had hoped that eventually the joke that is royalty, a genetically related few with ridiculous wealth, unheard of power over the masses and so languid they choose not to use that power for anything remotely useful, would rile the masses into an overthrowing frenzy. I suppose that’s my equivalent for you TV show “Survivor”.  

You briefly attempted a coup, however being the morons you are, you stole entertainment devices instead of going to the palace to riot. Bala is not amused. As punishment, I will kill off ALL rioters final destination style over the next 80 years.

watch your back idiot

 In the meantime, I have possessed your Queen. After she declined to taste Kangaroo stew in Australia, I reached breaking point and decided to take control. Kangaroo should have been what cows are to you, but you are too useless and slow to catch them. They are delicious.

As I imprint my thoughts on to this Blog, I am on a jet to the palace where I begin to implement change. Prepare yourselves.